My Dilemma

I’m the type of person who has already basically planned out their life.

My life goals as of today include:

  • Getting through High School without my brain exploding
  • Graduating from a four year university
  • Moving to London, England before I’m 23
  • Obtaining a furry companion at some point
  • Travelling the World

They may or may not seem exciting to other people, but it’s what I want to do with my life. I don’t know when moving to London became one of my life goals, but I already know that one day I will just get up and move to England. It will happen, and I am going to make sure of it.

Since about a year ago, ‘Become a doctor’ was on that list, and it was only recently taken off when I realized that I didn’t truly want to become a doctor. Yeah, it would be a good idea, but I finally understood that I didn’t want to spend 10+ years studying to become a doctor purely because I thought that it would make my life easy…at least financially.

It’s crazy for a teenager to be thinking this far into the future, I know it is, but I can’t help but constantly feel worried about what I’m going to do with my life. I went through such a huge mental breakdown when I finally realized that I didn’t want to be a doctor. A whole year’s worth of planning my future went down the drain and I just felt like my future was a dead end (keep in mind that this only happened a week or so ago, so I’m still seriously dazed by it). I feel like I’ve failed, especially since I know that my parents would love me to become a doctor. I know that they would support me no matter what I decide to do with my life, but I can’t help but feel like they would be disappointed in me.

Everyone that I’ve talked to about this has told me that this situation is a great thing, but they don’t entirely understand how I feel at the current moment. I can see that this is just giving me an opportunity to find out what I really want to do with my life, but the problem that I have is that I’m good at too many things, but I’m not passionate about any of them. Examples of this include: drawing, singing, and writing.

It’s a real struggle.

I probably sound like an idiot, complaining about being talented, but it’s a huge issue for me. I can’t be the only person who feels this way!

The fact that my future could potentially be a dead end for me is too much to handle. Everyone around me constantly encourages me to make something of my life and I’m starting to realize that the normal path of success probably isn’t going to work well for me. I can’t just go through life and school and eventually have a mundane job that I know I won’t enjoy. The thought of working in a professional setting makes me want to bash my head into a wall.

I’m going to end up dropping out of college after a year because I won’t know what to do with my life. I can’t stay undecided forever and I have a very strong feeling that my current feelings about my future aren’t going to change.

This post could probably go on for miles if I don’t stop now.

Also, I have a huge load of AP US History summer homework to do and now I feel entirely uninspired to do anything.

Yippee.

Till next time,

Anj

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